TW: This story contains mentions of suicide.
In an emotional revelation, actor Tom Rodriguez shared his journey of battling with mental health struggles and contemplating ending it all after his divorce from ex-wife Carla Abellana in 2022.
The actor opened up during an interview with Tito Boy Abunda on the show “Fast Talk With Boy Abunda”, shedding light on the struggles he faced during what he described as the “darkest phase” of his life.
Recalling his emotional turmoil during the breakup, Rodriguez admitted to experiencing intense bouts of tears, especially while in America shortly after their separation.
“A lot. Lalo na being there and seeing my mom seeing me in that condition,” he shared.
Unable to confront his feelings initially, Tom confessed to isolating himself from his family during the early stages of the ordeal.
“I couldn’t even. There was a time nagtatago ako nu’ng umpisa. I would hide away until eventually you go through the dark night of it all and you’d be able to face your loved ones, face yourself in the mirror, face your family and then du’n, you started opening up the conversation. Before that, hindi ko kaya, e, nu’ng bumagsak lahat,” he recalled.
Describing himself as utterly broken, Tom expressed how he felt like he was starting from a negative point rather than zero.
“I started ano talaga…When other people said na I was starting from zero, I felt like I was starting at negative. Cause a lot of the things I thought meant a lot to me disappeared,” he lamented.
Eventually, the actor found solace in gratitude, “And you realized in that lowest moment na you have a lot to be grateful for pa rin pala. You have a lot to be thankful for.”
When asked what he would say to his younger self, Tom expressed pride in his past resilience, saying, “I’m proud of him and I hope he’s proud of me too,” he said.
Reflecting on his journey, Rodriguez emphasized the importance of finding strength in adversity.
“If we can go through the darkest moment in our lives and find that inner strength and resilience and mahanap mo ’yong lakas sa loob mo na bumangon pa rin, I think that is something to be proud of,” he affirmed.
Admitting to grappling with thoughts of suicide, Rodriguez revealed how the love for his nephews ultimately prevailed.
“There were times na… I don’t know if I’m allowed to say this… Really dark that I thought I was gonna do something to myself that’s irreversible. I was there, Tito Boy,” Tom disclosed.
He continued, “And the moment that flashed into my mind was, ‘What would my nephews think if they go through a hardship, a hard time?’ ‘Oh, Tito Tom was able to do this. I can do it too,”
The actor expressed his newfound sense of self-worth and determination.
“And I thought I owed them more than that. And now I owe my younger self that too, that, ‘You can go through the hardest unos, bagyo, kahit anong dumaan sa buhay mo as long as you find that integrity within yourself again,” Tom reflected on his hardships.
“You build the trust and love for yourself and those who matter the most to you, you can get through it,” ‘Kayang-kaya mo pa rin.’ And I think he would be proud of me,” he added.
He confessed to shedding countless tears during that period, particularly finding it difficult to witness his mother’s distress over his condition.
Rodriguez also disclosed that he had come close to harming himself, a decision he acknowledges could never be undone due to the severity of his struggles. However, he credited his family for pulling him back from the brink of ending his own life.
Despite the challenges he faced, Rodriguez continues to express gratitude for the many blessings in his life including his healing journey that led him to find a new love which he decided not to share any further details at the moment.
